The Relief Of Reaching The Point Of “Meh”
It’s a bee-u-tee-ful thing. Yep, it’s wonderful when you finally get to the place where you simply don’t care what people think anymore. Not in an acrimonious way mind you, but in a calm assured “I’m-simply-too-far-down-the-road-to-care” kind of way. Glory be! It’s a sure sign of (albeit forced) emotional maturity for us formerly chumps/Pollyanna types, if you will.
Given the fact that so many of you have also been the victims of betrayal, you intuitively know what I’m talking about here. You can love someone with every fiber of your being. You can cry a river of tears arising from the hurt of being dumped so cruelly. You can suffer complicated grief reactions and feel like you’re going to have PTSD for what seems an eternity. You can even lose your will to live when yothat it means never again being with he person that you (erroneously) thought was the love of your life. You know, the one who actually turend ot to be little more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
It getw worse. You can even find yourself trapped in analysis paralysis and emotionally catatonic from all the ruminating and endless replay of every discourse and conversation that took place within the term of your relationship. You can dissect all events leading up to and following the heartbreaking breakup. If you’re anything like me, you can research, navel-gaze, and participate in a level of self-flagellation that would make the best Catholic proud.
The Parting Of The (Dead) Sea
Then–like a bolt of lightning from out of the blue–it happens. You hear your ex’s name and you unconsciously react with a furrowed brow and a sticking-your-finger-down-your-throat vomiting/gagging gesture. (Heavy emphasis I placed on “reflex.”) It’s a very welcome and defining moment because curling your lip at the sound of his/her name wasn’t something you used to do back when you were so full of grief of missing His or Her Highness. But this time, it just happened! Summon Martha and The Vadellas and get them dancing in the streets because you’re on a roll. The next thing you know, your friends will be doing double-takes at your routine displays of indifference.
After months (and perhaps years) of opting for path of least resistance, hoping to steer clear of the flying monkeys and disinformation being lobbed against you in the smear campaign whipped up by your adandoner and his/her affair partner on the way out–you suddenly feel as if you’ve been endued with Power from On High.
Something electric rises up within you. You now want to find and confront all those people who disparaged you so harshly without knowing any of the facts. You feel an urge to rise up and speak your mind. You want to set the record straight. However, in nanoseconds, that train of thought comes to a screeching halt. The “Nah, I no longer care enough to waste any time on this” rebuttal taps your misdirected enthusiasm on the shoulder and tells it to settle the heck back down. You shrug.
Funny. It’s as if your emotional DNA gets a new revelation and kicks into gear replicating with improved genetic code. Code that doesn’t include mourning over him/her any longer. The new and improved code emits a low almos but incessant electrical pulse constantly reminding us that the person we grieved over so deeply was nothing more than a deceptive manipulative narcissist, sociopath–of God forbid, something worse.
In concert with the new programming, our physical and mental faculties make it clear to us that they no longer will assist us in squandering thoughts and energies on “issues” related to Dear Departed. We finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired and “get it”. Once again, we shrug and acknowledge that “it is what it is”. Miraculously, we are able to move on without fanfare.
This refreshing and new-found indifference oozes out and permeates more than just our love lives and committed relationships. No doubt, we’ve all encountered a narcissistic boss, co-worker, family member, or significant other who irritates the ever-loving life out of us. But decorum demands that we keep a lid on the expletives and visceral truth-telling that percolates and remains just under the surface, begging to be unleashed.
The Joy & Humor Of A Musical Release
This is where I have found music to be so cathartic. What liberation there can be in listening to music when we get into our cars and pull onto the freeway after a long day’s work. In unencumbered solitude and with our car windows up and ourselves hermetically sealed inside–WE now completely control our environment and the narrative. We have the autonomy to dictate the content and tone of the conversations, even if those conversations are only mental ones.
This song by Phil Collins provides a perfect musical backdrop for such mental interactions –applicable to so many life and business situations. So, as you hit the play button on the song video below, go ahead; visualize telling your most irritating ex, narcissist boss, in-law, relative, or other person how you “don’t care anymore”. But by doing it with music, you can do it without any fear of jeopardizing your career, reputation, or income. (Smile.)
Tipping My Hat To Phil Collins
A special thanks to Phil Collins for putting music to the things we all think at one time or another. Thank you P.C. (Phil Collins) for helping all stay a bit more “PC” (Politically Correct) while we do that.
P.S. If you know anyone who’s ever been suddenly abandoned by a spouse of lover, and they chose to take the high road amidst the chaos and gossiping by the flying monkeys, please post this to their Facebook page, Twitter account, or email as an act of support. The song, as they say, “scratches an itch.”
The video enlarges to Full Screen.