It is important to realize that you may have been programmed by your past to be attracted to a certain type of man—and not necessarily the loving and kind man you always envisioned having as your partner, either.
Because you were unconscious or unaware of what was driving you, when you felt that magnetic attraction, you believed you’d actually found true love. But of course, you merely had met someone who fit with what you were programmed to seek out because of hurts from the past. And again, this was likely diametrically opposed to what the healthier side of you truly wanted for yourself.
The Wounded Inner Child
What you might want to think about is that the wounded inner child does not make the same choices that your conscious self would make. It tends to pick someone who has the worst traits of your parents or primary caregivers. But then, it wants to try to rectify the past—to get right this time what wasn’t right before. But since the past is past, this can’t happen, certainly. In fact, after the romantic haze has cleared, scenes reminiscent of the past are typically replicated in the current relationship. And really, why wouldn’t they be since the partner likely has the same or similar attributes to what caused those past wounds?
Decide to Live Your Life Consciously
Your life’s mission, should you elect to accept it, is to become more aware and start living as consciously as possible. In other words, don’t settle for going along with the programming from your past. Don’t just do what is habitual. After all, most of this is not in your best interest. Sure, those behaviors might have helped you survive as a child in what was a dysfunctional family. But pursued in adulthood, they’ll likely only keep you experiencing dysfunction in your life. You don’t want that.
Should You Let Your Emotions Guide You?
Some people believe that to live life more consciously, they must follow their emotions—that their emotions should be their guide. And indeed, your emotions sometimes can lend guidance.
However, let’s assume that you’re married to a man displaying narcissism, addictions, and abusive behaviors. As a result, you’re apt to experience a great deal of emotional pain. You may well become depressed—and depression hurts, too. Then, to distract yourself from all the pain you’re feeling, you may turn to alcohol or pain medications for relief.
Pain May Be There For A Reason
You ignore the fact that the emotional pain might be present for a reason—that you should be listening to it. However, you have to understand that not all emotional reactions are caused by, or consistent with, what’s happening in the present. They actually might be triggered by a similarity to incidents in the pasts that the brain has spotted.
If you come from a dysfunctional background and have a tendency to be reactive to things that are happening in your present, you don’t want to necessarily act based upon your emotions. You want to stop and listen to them, and then consciously evaluate if what you’re feeling inclined to do is a smart idea or not.
Emotions May Prove To Be Irrational
Your emotional response from your wounded past might prove to be irrational in the context of today’s events. But of course, you want to take rational actions that are in your best interest—and in the best interest of others, too. That is what making good conscious choices should be about.