Poor Guy, Bewitched By A She-Devil?
Initially, even when I was in such deep despair, I felt compassion for my ex, thinking he was simply a tortured soul with a dysfunctional childhood who needed help. It was hard to break away from my religious upbringing that had me excusing his behavior as being influenced by an evil spirit, a demon of lust or passion … whatever.
It took a long time for me to “get it” … to get the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing and willfully chose to do it anyway. Sad.
The last time I saw him, I prayed for him and kept telling him that I would always be there believing in him. (How he must’ve laughed at me.) I kept reassuring him that deep down inside, he was really a good man. He told me then, “No, I’m not. Someday, you’re going to find out how much I am not a good person.”
Well, he was right. I did find out (and still am finding out) as a result of having to deal with the collateral damage he caused and/or left behind so cavalierly.
What do I believe? I believe that he simply indulged his runaway selfishness and sense of entitlement so often that it completely took him over, similar to King Nebuchadnezzar in The Bible… who became self-aggrandized to the point that he completely lost his mind and ended up living/eating grass in a field like some kind of wild animal.
Don’t get me wrong … I’m not saying that he’s literally living like an animal outside in a field. I am simply using this as an analogy. As far as I know, she hasn’t abandoned him like she did her husband. As far as I know, she hasn’t gotten tired of supporting him. I haven’t heard from family members that still talk to him that that she has dumped him and left him homeless in lieu of a better “source”. At least not yet.
Narcissists are well known for abandoning partners when they become ill and my ex has significant heart and health issues. Somehow, I just don’t see her stepping away from her partnership in her internationally-known firm and lowering herself enough to play Nancy Nurse Maid to a man who can no longer serve her ego gratification needs. I suspect that he may be in for a big dish of “what-goes-around-comes-around” all too soon. But I digress … back to what I was saying.
Being the slithery serpent only interested in himself, he used social media to search out another source of ego gratification via social media, ensuring him a soft place to land when finally left. He coldly walked away without giving me the courtesy of any advance warning. Somewhere in the process he’d decided that our boring mundane life was no longer providing him with the adulation and preeminence that he felt he deserved (and that felt he was entitled to at any cost.)
The lights had to have been flashing in 3-D Technicolor and the bells in his egoic slot machine must have been at deafening decibels as he hit upon this long-awaited veritable jackpot. Not only had he found himself another needed “source” of ego supply, but (queue the trumpets!) he’d found one with a much higher professional profile, a a recent healthy inheritance, AND (wait for it!) … a very healthy corporate expense account to live on to boot! Yippee-Skippy! Prestige and position would certainly have to be imputed to him by associative osmosis by hooking his wagon to this woman. He had reached Narcissistic Nirvana of orgasmic proportions! No doubt, Martha and The Vandellas were summoned to come out out of retirement for a Command Performance to sing “Dancing In The Streets” when this occurred.
With his olfactory senses hopelessly locked on the scent of money and seeing the opportunity to travel the world on the horizon, he felt empowered to abruptly walk out on 30 years of marriage to pursue the good life that he often lamented having missed out on the first time around. (Poor baby.) This woman broke up with him in high school. The prospect of finally having the mortal wound that this very same sweetheart had delivered to his fragile adolescent ego HAD to have been very alluring for his narcissism. I suspect that he rationalized that if she accepted him again, everything he’d endured until then would be somehow be okay, proving that all is right with the world. Ah, yes. He was answering The Call to go off and live The Good Life … even though that “good life” would be based on HER accomplishments and funded by HER money, not his.
Pretty simple. No mystery to unravel here.
Relegated To A Prop That Breathes
It’s sad how easily people lose all empathy for others. They do such hurtful things with no regret because, with empathy gone, everyone else become mere objects to these self-absorbed automatons. And objects are interchangeable as we know, to be used and discarded …little more than props dressing up the backdrop of their lives for a season. Tolerable when convenient. Intolerable when no longer needed.
These people … aware of only their feelings … have only one focus (themselves). As such, they feel entitled to inflict whatever pain they decide is appropriate to inflict upon others. In other words, to hell with anyone else. It’s ALL about THEM and what they want/think they need.
It’s Not What They Say, It’s What They DO
I don’t even pretend to know what all of my ex’s emotional or psychological issues were/are. But the fact is, I don’t need to know. All I have to do is look at what he did and how he did it.
At The End Of The Day, God Must Certainly Have A Sense Of Humor
I say this because when my ex went trolling for some strange, God let him find exactly what he wanted and (tee hee) what exactly what he deserves: a she-devil who is a savvy psychologist. This is my personal opinion (and we all know I am an expert on my own opinion) but I believe that she is more self-absorbed than he is if one can believe that.
My opinion is that she is opportunistically manipulating his mid-life insecurities to meet her own selfish ego gratification needs … in other words, so she can have a live-in source of ready sex and adulation … someone to dutifully follow her around a schlep the suitcases as a tag-along in her corporate travels. (A stay-in-the-background house-husband/gigolo it appears.) An opportunist preying on another opportunist. Truly a dance macabre. How fitting.
That said, I have to laugh an wish them well. Everyone, yes, including these two, deserve someone to share their lives with. These two appear equally matched.
I bet they both needed to change their underwear and (whether they admit it or not) now view the other with suspicion after they watched the movie “Gone Girl”.
Hmmmm … just like the final ending scene in the movie, we are left wondering who is using whom? Time will tell.