The Blame Game (Steven Hawking Must Be Proud)



Funny isn’t it, how once the decision is made to leave you, a suddenly departing spouse displays superhuman creative powers, paralleled only by The Big Bang? Honey, I hate to tell you this but while you were sleeping, your ex must have broken into God’s laboratory and stolen a few trade secrets. I say this because immediately after your separation, he or she has been seen shamelessly flashing around a mastery of quantum physics, publicly re-creating the order of history and recent events. Word has that he/she can do this on demand. Whoa!  I’m impressed.

With nuclear fusion mastered, he/she now has the confidence to speak authoritatively on every detail of your relationship, your needs/wants, how you and other people feel, whether or not your children will affected long-term, how much better everyone will be after this is all over, etc., – all without communicating with any of the parties involved. Obviously he/she has broken through several metaphysical veils as he/she is now omniscient in addition to harnessing the power of creation. His/her power to speak things into existence is evidenced each time he/she speaks about your life together or the breakup. In this recitation, only quantum physics could possibly explain how widely known events changed so abruptly, how time warped, how truth remains unaccounted for, and how contexts have been so grossly misplaced. Most impressive is how his/her hurtful actions, intents, and motivations are now attributed to others. I see what’s going on here. Someone’s been hiding a time machine, traveling back in time when no one was looking, and creating paradoxes. Steven Hawkins must be proud.


Meanwhile, back at the ranch, you and the rest of the unsuspecting world are scratching your heads. How could such an obviously intelligent and observant group of people ALL have missed seeing what your ex so colorfully describes as Alcatraz? How could everyone have missed that the marriage or relationship you (and they) thought was custom made in heaven was actually on the rock FOR SO LONG?!  (Collective gasp.)

It’s understandable that his/her family members, casual acquaintances, workplace flirts, and newest love interest might swallow such a departure from reality, but you must remember: your Dearly Departed is very charming, and as a master thespian and spellbinding storyteller, can be emotional and dramatic when communicating. But wait! There’s more. Here’s the real clencher. He/she says it’s all YOUR fault. (Insert the sound of crickets here.)

Wow! Now time really stands still. Every jaws drops. Everyone stands there, un suspended animation, like a bunch of mouth breathers stunned into silence by what they see being painted across the panorama of your ex’s canvas curtains. Uh oh. The word’s out: you must be hell to live with. Why else would he/she have left you? Again everyone wonders, how did they ALL miss that too???!!


If you were paying attention here, you’d see that the clue here is the curtains. With friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and others all gathered into his/her theater of operations, he/she simply puts a quarter in the excuse box and dials up the old standard: “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain … Don’t look at what I just did … Quick! Look over there … Don’t notice me taking what I did and projecting it as something my partner did … Oh, isn’t it awful? …  Don’t you all see? …. Aren’t they bad? … Don’t you feel sorry for me?”  All the while, the inferred but unspoken message is loud and clear to anyone not enamored with them: I should be given a pass on my behavior because he/she drove me to this.”

Excuse the crude term here my religious friends, but since no one else is going to do it for you, I am standing up on your behalf and calling “Bullshit!”


Despite all his/her theatrical descriptors and yarn-spinning, pull back the curtain and you’ll find there is no quantum physics in play at all. What’s happening here is nothing more than simple blaming. It’s How To Breakup With A Gullible Idiot 101. You see, only nice gullible idiots fall for this kind of crap. Excuse me, let me rephrase that. Only gullible idiots fall for this tactic and continue to do so. (I bought it at first too.)

So, stop slobbering into your coffee or beer. Right now, I want you to sit up and listen to Melanie Tonia Evans (link below) as she explains all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know … your feelings are a bit raw right now. Yeah, I also know that you “don’t feel like it.”  I get it. Been there. Said  that.

But I also know that in your weakened state (my guess is that you’re probably still in the tsunami stage) you probably have been a good dump-ee thus far. If you’re anything like me, you dutifully donned that pair of Distorted Reality Glasses your ex handed you when leaving. And ever since then, like a super sleuth on a mission to crack the big case, you’ve been going back through your mind, turning over every rock, painfully replaying every conversation, and examining every interaction the two of you had since the beginning of your relationship – critiquing them all, trying to see them through his or her eyes. Stop It!  Right Now!  You’re Being A Schmuck!

The only reason cheating darlings like yours and mine use tactics like blaming is because it works a certain percentage of time. It is important that you realize this immediately because it’s the first in many rationalizations to come. Thrown at you like spikes pitched out the road in attempt to deflate the tires of a pursuer, your departing ex knows you you are gullible and this will be enough to give you pause. And once paused, they know you’ll be sidetracked into accepting his/her guilt and blame as your very own. They hoping that when you do that, you’ll get off their case. Further, if this tactic doesn’t work, they’ll move on to successive tactics in their arsenal until they find something that works – or until they’re far enough away from you for it not to matter.

Luckily, blaming has a relatively short shelf-life. That’s because it’s easily sniffed out by your true supporters and outsiders who are not under your snake charmer’s spell. Also, your ex is more likely to throw blame card most around the time of his/her departure, hoping this will be all that is needed to buy get away time.

As some time passes after The Big Getaway, the leave-er can usually shelve this tactic, bringing it out only occasionally for interim use – such as when they encounter another patsy like you, likely to take their rationalizations at face value. It is also dusted off and used when new acquaintances ask about his/her marital or relationship status. In these instances, they know it is going to be a slam dunk, seeing as the new people have no knowledge of the situation outside of what is he/she constructs and presents as justification for their current status. Pretty slick, huh? ( not really, but they think they are.)

Bottom line. It’s an effective tool for a season, but allowing it to be used on you makes you one, so dummy up.

So … now that I have your attention and you hopefully have a fresh cup of coffee in hand, click on this link and listen up:

With Love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s