By. Dr. Diane England
A narcissist is like a leopard; he cannot change his spots. Okay, he might be able to change if he really wanted to do so. But if you are in love with a narcissist, you need to understand that you’ll likely be seeking counseling on how to leave a narcissist long before he’s inclined to seek help on how to alleviate himself of his narcissistic tendencies.
If you have a narcissistic husband, listen very carefully: Narcissists seduce you with their charm, the romance, and the great sex. Once they have you hooked, things change—and not for the good.
Speaking of sex, is the great sex still so great? Or instead, is it about him and his needs and wants? He may need to give a great performance, and then you’re expected to commend him for a job well done, too. And rather than feeling closer to him, instead, have you felt you’ve become more and more merely an object to him?
There is even a chance the great sex has switched over into sexual abuse, Perhaps the transition has been so gradual, however, that you haven’t actually seen the truth about what was happening—or where you have ended up as a result. But if you stop and think about your sexual relationship with your narcissistic spouse, you might realize you’ve been doing things that don’t appeal to you sexually, but only to him. In fact, they might make you feel degraded.
He not only doesn’t bring flowers anymore, but it is probably worse than that. You’d realize that if you got real about your marriage.
Yes, it’s probably hardly even a relationship in the sense that you define the word. For example, are you or your kids always worrying about what might please or displease him? And to ensure you do neither, do you do things against your personal values?
Let me guess, everyone probably just wants to avoid his narcissistic rage. And again, you hope if you’ll only do as he wants, things will be like they were in the early days—when you held hands and made love in a romantic haze.