Who is needier than a narcissist? More dependent?
Their dependence is the dependence of any parasite on its host. This dependence is the very essence of their so-called “relationship” with you.
Your so-called “relationship” is the kind that you have with a tick or disease. Nothing for YOU in it at all.
They truly are emotional vampires and probably are the type storytellers had in mind when they invented the story of the vampire. They NEED you to be suffering. Actually, they feed on it. They will die without it.
Because it’s the only thing that makes their sad existence bearable. Just look at how many lowdown, dirty, rotten things thesy have done throughout their lives.
Wouldn’t such memories haunt you to the point that you couldn’t stand yourself either? Down in that gutter they need to feel better than somebody else. It’s the only thing that can make them happy. It’s the only thing that makes them feel good. About themselves … At least for awhile.
It’s sort of like drinking being the only thing that makes an alcoholic feel good. For awhile. If thry have no booze – they feel worse and worse until they are dying for a drink. At that point, they woukd actually WOULD die for a drink. They would die for just a few minutes release from the horrible feelings that a drink gives them.
Same thing with the heroin addict.
Raising Themselves Up By Tearing You Down
Narcissists must constantly resist falling into the abyss – the awareness of how lowdown thing they actually are. How do they accomplish this? By playing a stupid and irrational mind game: they think they raise themselves out of that gutter by tearing someone else down and walking all over that other person.
Ah, what a high they get! They then can thump their chest and give a Tarzan yell. That’s just Tarzan’s way of saying, “Look Ma! Ain’t I grand?”
All the while,m they are sucking another person’s lifeblood. They are feeding on it. They are bleeding him or her of self-respect.
How They Get Respect
That’s how they get self-respect, by stealing that which belongs to others. What they do is so despicable that, for the sheer sake of the shame, they’d otherwise have to kill themselves. As one narcissist herself put it to me, she’d be one of those suicides who doesn’t even leave a note.
So, they play this game to fight off the awareness of what a contemptible person their conduct has made them. It’s what keeps them alive and from killing themselves. It’s how they manage to live. And of course doing this just gives them more shameful conduct to bury that way. It’s a vicious cycle.
Now, of course, this neediness of theirs, this parasitic dependence on their host, isn’t grand. So this fact of their existence constantly challenges their delusions of grandeur.
The Projection Machine
That’s where being a Projection Machine comes in. They ward off the awareness of their humiliating neediness by projecting the semblance of it off onto their host.
I know one who blew me away some years ago with the statement “but then maybe because I’m so gosh-darned independent I just don’t understand people like that.”
My jaw almost hit the ground. She was 40 years old and had never left the nest. She had never paid rent. She made more money than her father but she had never even bought or paid for her own food and toiletries or cigarettes. Yet from her narcissistic perspective, she was so gosh-darned independent. The suckling pig didn’t need her parents. In her Land of Pretend, THEY needed HER!
Now is that crackpot thinking? Or is that crackpot thinking?
Therefore, never underestimate the power of a narcissist’s upside-down and backwards brain to warp the real world into a work of fiction that twists thinking and perception a full 180 degrees!
Use Your Sense Of Humor
In fact, here’s one bit of advice I will give you. Notice these farces. They’re hilarious. A sense of humor goes a long way toward healing. It also keeps you from falling under the spell of these crackpots.